My First Gay Bar, Cont.

I guess Andrew Sullivan liked my little piece.  How flattering. 

My First Gay Bar

Andrew Sullivan has started a fascinating series on first visits to gay bars.  He was inspired by this Slate article on the decline of the gay bar.  It got me thinking about my first gay bar and what a night that was.  It was, of all places, The Heretic in Atlanta.  I was active duty military, stationed in rural Alabama and incredibly naive and inexperienced. I was also incredibly paranoid of getting caught in a gay bar, especially the Heretic, which had such a reputation that even I had heard of it. I went with my very first boyfriend who I had just met, and a couple of his friends. As we were walking in, I was too preocupied with scanning the parking lot for undercover Military Police (I told you I was paranoid) to notice the guy checking IDs until I was up. I fumbled with my wallet and out flopped my military ID. I scrambled to hide it and find my drivers license and the guy said "Don't worry honey, that's not the first one of those I've seen tonight." His joke eased my paranoia. That night was the first time I ever danced with a man. It was overwhelming to see a room full of men dancing with men. If there's anything more liberating than that, I haven't experienced it yet.

Quote of the Day

"Pretty damn impressive for a congressman. I don't see why a handsome young man with huge pecs and ripped abs has to be gay. And it's a little heterophobic to assume so."

--Andrew Sullivan on Republican Congressman Aaron Schock baring his bosom in the new issue of Men's Health.   I have to agree that the body is impressive.  The Congressman deserves kudos for his commitment to fitness. 

Of course, the assumption doesn't seem so heterophobic in light of this. 

I used to read Men's Health all the time.  I wonder why I stopped?  Oh yeah, I came out.

Asking Kevin Spacey if He's Gay = Bullying Gay Kids

I am not kidding.  Kevin Sessums interviewed the Golden Globe nominee and asked him about the gay rumors that have followed him throughout his career.  Here's an excerpt from the interview, with Sessums' questions in bold and Spacey's answers in italics:

We gay men have always proudly claimed you as a member of our tribe, and yet you don't proudly claim us back. Why?


Look, I might have lived in England for the last several years but I'm still an American citizen and I have not given up my right to privacy.

But that's where we differ. I don't think being gay is a private matter. Heterosexuals don't consider their heterosexuality itself a private matter. I'm not asking you what goes on behind a locked door anymore than I would ask a heterosexual. I'm not asking if you're a top or bottom. That's none of my business.

Let's enlarge the subject even more. I think what we have seen in terms of gay teenagers committing suicide because of bullying is anguishing. I think young people, if they are feeling like they are confused, need to know that there are people to talk to and that there are places they can go and not feel alone. But I feel that they have just as many rights as I do to not be bullied. And I don't understand people who say, "Well, this is a terrible thing that is happening to this young person whose life is being exposed," and then turn around and do it to another person. People have different reasons for the way they live their lives. You cannot put everyone's reasons in the same box. It's just a line I've never crossed and never will.

Well, I don't equate my discussing this with you as bullying you. You are an accomplished grown man, not a fearful teenager. But would you do one of those "It Gets Better" videos? I think that would be great if you did one of those.

Yeah. Absolutely. I'd do one of those. But why is it in this country that kids might think it's okay to bully and make fun of somebody? I'll tell you why, because what do they see in the media happening all the time? In the media they seem to think that's okay. So if we stop using sexuality as a weapon against people maybe everyone will eventually get cool with it.

Despite the fact I believe Sessums was being overly-generous by saying we've always proudly claimed Spacey as a member of our tribe, Spacey's self-importance and lack of perspective is startling, even by movie star standards.  He's also not being truthful by saying "it's a line I've never crossed and never will."  He has explicitly denied being gay on the record at least once.  As Andrew Sullivan put it:

"One reason teens feel shame is because powerful gay men entrench the next generation's sense of isolation by staying needlessly in the closet".