Here's my
Live from the "star-filled International Ballroom!"
It's Ricky Gervais with (naturally) a beer.
He starts with some pretty brutal Tourist jokes. Johnny Depp seems in on the joke. Notice how the camera does not go to Angelina Jolie.
Did Ricky just diss Cher? Bastard!
I know he didn't just do a Hugh Hefner blow job joke.
Scar Jo, first presenter. She looks dreamy. Best Supporting Actor in a film:
Mark Wahlberg looks delicious in a classic tux.
Speaking of delicious, it's LL Cool J. with a blonde starlet. I have no idea who she is and don't care. She's hanging on to his arm and I don't blame her. Best Supporting Actress in a TV drama.
It's Katey Sagal in scarlett satin with maximum boobage! You show them how a grown woman does sexy, Katey. I have no idea what she won for.
It's Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey. I adore her but her dress doesn't fit. Kevin Spacey annoys me. They're introducing the lovely Miss Golden Globes, Gia Mantegna, daughter of Joe.
Scott Caan: Short, tight, and fuckable.
Best Supporting Actor in a TV comedy. It's Chris Colfer!!!! He's totally shocked and Wes and I are thrilled! He just called Ryan Murphy is fairy godfather. He has a message for the bullies: "screw that!" What a victory! This is the award of the night! Here it is:
Michelle Pfieffer: Gorgeous. Best Actor in a TV drama:
Steve Buscemi for
Alec Baldwin and J.Lo! He said he almost wore Jennifer's gown. What a guy! I love him. Seriously.
Best song is You Haven't Seen the Best of Me performed by Cher in Burlesque! The best thing about that movie! Dianne Warren wins! Cher needs to perform this at the Oscars.
The Beebs! And
Robert Downey, Jr. is out to announce Best Actress Comedy or Musical. He annoys me.
It's Annette Benning! La Benning triumphant at last! It's so rare that a straight actor can play gay so well that gay audiences are convinced. She did that.
Stallone looks very strange. They always trot him out for the boxer movies. He's introducing The Fighter.
Tilda Swinton and Geoffry Rush are presenting. She's a fashion icon and he needs to loose the hat. Al Pacino and his hair won for Best Actor in a TV movie.
Claire Danes is a vision in pink. She looks spectacular. She's best actress in a TV movie.
Zac Attack! He is undeniably cute.
Steve Carrell and Tina Fey do their patented "we're writers" bit that they've done on every award show for the last 5 years. The screenplay award goes to The Social Network.
Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans on stage together. Which is better looking? I'll be up all night thinking about it.
It's Jane Lynch for Best Supporting TV actress! She thanks her wife and kids. Love, love, love her.
Olivia Wilde is definitely one of the best dressed tonight.
Helen Mirren is tonight's hottest woman.
It's Vanessa Williams! And Blair Underwood! Double gorgeous!
Best Actress in a TV drama is Laura Linney. Love her but she's not there. Give it to somebody who's present.
Jane Fonda, looking fine, introducing Burlesque.
Matt Bomer is beautiful. He just is.
Best actor in a TV comedy is Jim Parsons! He's gay, right?
Best Supporting Actress in a movie is Melissa Leo. She is totally going to with the Oscar.
It's the Cecil B. DeMille award for Robert DeNiro. Time for a potty break. No offense to DeNiro fans.
Best Director of a movie: whoever directed The Social Network.
TV Series Comedy: GLEE! YAY!!!
Halle Berry is delicious. Best Actor in a comedy or musical is Paul Giamatti who nobody knew was in a movie this year.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a tea cup hottie.
Jeff Bridges presents Best Actress Drama to Natalie Portman. It's La Benning vs. The Portman come Oscar time.
Best Picture Comedy is The Kids Are All Right! Love it! Was it a comedy? Sort of? Not really?
Sandra Bullock looks like Cher circa I've Got You Babe. Best Actor Drama is Colin Firth! About damn time. He should have won last year.
Michael Douglas looks damn good. "There's got to be a better way to get a standing ovation." The line of the night.
Best picture drama is, yawn, The Social Network.
Good night, folks. See you at the SAGs.
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